Ever feel like you were living in CHAOS (Can’t Have Anyone Over Syndrome)? Most of us have been there; we know how horrifying it can be to hear a knock on the door and realize how awful our home looked. You know the routine. We get a phone call from Aunt Maude, and she says that she’s coming over. In fact, she’ll be here in 10 minutes! Oh, NO! Suddenly, we fly into action! Kids, trash and clutter start flying as we tear around the house trying to make some semblance of order to the place. This is what we call “Crisis Cleaning!”
For years now, I’ve been subscribed to a home organizing group called Flylady. Flylady has helped me so much, giving loving instruction and encouragement on how to slowly but surely remove clutter from my home and give my family a happy life. I rarely have to kick it into Crisis Clean Mode anymore.
But this month, I want to talk about our marriages. Sometimes our marriages are in a crisis. We’re not happy with our relationship to our spouse, and in fact, our marriage is a mess! None of us like to admit it, but sometimes we need help.
To see if you’re in a crisis, take the following quiz:
Do you find yourself:
– emotionally detaching from your husband
– wondering why you ever got married to begin with
– finding sex to be a burden
– walking on eggshells around your husband
– listening to a close friend who is having marital troubles
– wishing he could work longer hours
– or wishing YOU could find a job to take you out of the home when he’s there
If you’ve answered “yes” to any of these questions, then you’ve come to the right place. March Marriage Moments is just for you!
I got married as a 19 year old, having only been a Christian for 3 years. To say I was still “wet behind the ears” is the understatement of the century! Our first year was rocky at best, and in many respects, it went downhill from there. By the time we were married 7 years, we had three sweet children, but we argued all the time.
During this time in our lives, my husband pastored a small church. He had character flaws, and so did I. The combination was quite disastrous! One night, not long after the bank notified us that we were about to lose our home (which was incredibly messy,) we had a huge fight. Neither of us hit each other, but when I went to bed that night, I cried hot tears of anger. I desperately wanted to leave, but I couldn’t – the kids were asleep, and people were depending on me to pick them up for church the next day!
Let me tell you, we were at the lowest of the lows.
But God worked miracles in our marriage, and things are very different now. In the recovery room the other day, as I was doting on My Beloved who was recovering from surgery, the nurse said, “You two look like you never fight. Do you ever argue?” We both had to laugh! If only she knew…
So how did we make it for 29 years (and 7 kids), you ask? The ultimate answer, of course, is God. But there are certain things He showed us, and certain steps we took along the way that I’d like to share with you.
That’s what March Marriage Moments are all about. Each week, I’ll be posting some tips to help your marriage be stronger, and some ideas and activities you can do to draw you closer to your spouse. During the week, I’ll be posting on Facebook links to other good blogs, sites, or additional assignments that have helped me over the years. Maybe we can get some conversation going! And somewhere along the line, I hope to have a guest post by My Beloved himself! By the end of March, hopefully your crisis will have turned around to being on the road to calmness.
Your First Assignment: (if you dare to take it!)
Take a few minutes this week to honestly evaluate your marriage. If possible, do it with your spouse. But if he’s not available or not interested, that’s ok – much friction can be prevented if only one moving part gets oil.
Envision what you want your marriage to be like. Are there any couples you know who are really close? What do they do to be close? Is there something you can learn from them?
Finally, commit to greet your husband with a smile every morning and each time he comes home. It may be tough at first, but after a few days you will begin seeing some real progress from this ONE exercise alone!
Take some time this week to work on your marriage. It’s worth it!
Let us know if you’re taking the assignment! How’s it going?