How to Stay {Happily} Married

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…or, Building a Strong Marriage Wall

“Every wise woman buildeth her house, but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.”


This week, like a knife in the gut, I learned that a friend had gotten a divorce. 

The strangest thing about it is that the husband is a fine Christian man, and they had a desire to serve the Lord.

How can two people who love the Lord not get along so badly that they get a divorce?? 

My husband and I have been talking at length lately, discussing the road so many people travel which leads to divorce.  It appears as though a pattern ultimately lead to the demise of the family.  For now, however, let’s talk about

                How a wise woman can build her house

Imagine a man building a wall.  Brick by brick, piece by piece, he lays down first the foundation, and then the first layer, and the second, and so on.  He works with a smile, knowing this is for his family, whom he loves dearly.  It may not be perfect, because he’s only young and has never done this before, but his heart is in it, and it is his own personal labor of love.

Soon his wife appears.  He looks at her with a grin but stops when he notices her frown.  Striding to the wall, she points at it and sneers, “What’s this?  A mess??  What are you thinking?!?  I can’t believe you would try to build a wall using those bricks!”  She begins pulling at the blocks, berating him at the same time.  He drops his head and slowly walks away, shoulders drooping.

That woman is fast on her way to tearing down her house, and living in low-income housing with no protection whatsoever.

How can this marriage be saved?  What can be done to help this situation?      

Here are some ideas my husband and I thought of for building a strong marriage:

1.        Don’t tear down the wall your husband is trying to build.  Simply have a little self-control and keep your  mouth shut.

  This is where a direct line to God is really wonderful!  You may not be able to say anything to anybody, but does that mean you have to leave it festering inside?  Of course not!  Does that mean that nothing will ever be done about the situation??  Of course not!  Why not take your frustrations too the Lord, who can turn the rivers!  (see Proverbs 21:1)


2.        Decorate the wall!  Make the most out of a less-than-perfect situation!  So your man wants to start up a new business, and you have to sacrifice to help come up with the needed money.  You may even think he will fail!  The wall seems crooked and out of fashion.  That’s ok; make the most of it!  Support your husband, be his cheerleader!  Determine that you will be happy, no matter what, because happiness is not in happenings, it is in the Lord.  Decorate that wall, crooked though it may be, and your good taste and cheer will be the driving force behind his success.


3.       Admire the good that he does – out loud!  (And don’t forget to feel his strong muscles every once in a while!)  J   It sure does add some honey to the romance.



4.       Praise for effort, not performance.  Thank him for his hard work on a job or around the house.

 5.       Support him by making good meals and greeting him nicely dressed.  No hair-rollers when hubby comes to the door!

 6.       Visit him while he’s involved in his projects; sometimes you can even co-labor with him.  For example, you could bring him iced tea while he’s mowing the grass. 

 7.       Ask the Lord to help you build up your marriage and not tear it down.  Marriages do not fall apart in a night, and they do not get built in a night.  Be willing to take some time to work on it and wait patiently for the rewards. 

The rewards may be long in coming, but they will come!  After all, where will you be in ten years?  Determine that you will be happily married (to the same man, of course!). 


Let’s do what we can to build up our marriages.


Maybe you have some more ideas.  Share them with us!






  1. Michelle says:

    Your points are excellent! I, too, have had a friends’ marriage/divorce knife to the heart recently, and I desperately wish that some wisdom would get be welcomed in to help the situation reverse itself. It is heartbreaking…. If people would only reach out for help sooner, if they find they can’t do it alone, maybe wise insight like what you have provided here could penetrate and help in the mending of marriages so that it can occur before the love grows cold and difficult to revive. As marriage coaches, my husband and I fully believe most marriages are saveable, but we would rather prevent the years of damaging build-up and bad “walls” and encourage the good walls through wisdom such as what you have shared here!

  2. Lisa says:

    Thank you, Michelle!

    Perhaps many people are too embarassed to seek help, or maybe, as I’ve heard some say, they just don’t care anymore. You are so right, though. It is very important that people seek help early. Also, it is good if those that the Lord has blessed with good marriages can make ourselves available to them when they need it.

    I am so thankful for you and your husband being marriage coaches – together! How very special that must be!

    God bless!


  3. Jennifer says:

    Mrs. Lisa, I love the new blog! Excellent job! Thanks for this post! I think especially as women we need to guard our emotions and don’t let them show too much…hehe…we tend to have a roller coaster ride of emotions at times. I know for me as a newly married wife of less than 2 years I am having to work on these things constantly. Thanks again!


    • Lisa says:

      Thanks, Jennifer!

      Roller-Coasters-R-Us sometimes, eh? So true! Sometimes we just need to tell our face to smile anyway, and the encourageing responses will eventually convince us that we really ARE happy!

      Counting little blessings – a warm shower, a cool evening, and even the beard stubble on the bathroom counter sure can help!

      By the way, my daughter Sharon is my blog designer, and I think she did a wonderful job! If you’re interested in her input, you can contact her @ She’s working on building a portfolio, so her rates are real good right now.


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